{Underneath the Stars.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

5:42 PM

Just been reviewing my past bloggings.
A lot has happened in these past 4 years.
I've changed.
I've stayed the same.
I don't know. Perhaps only pple will be able to tell me that instead of pages of writing.

But then again, I beg to differ.
Sometimes it's only you who knows your true self.

Once you enter university.
Everyone starts talking about the future.

Graduation. Marriage. Jobs. Houses. Cars. The likes.

Suddenly life becomes reality.
It's no longer just about scoring A's in exams, or coming in top in your class.

It's about survival.

it's about surviving each year and making it to the next.
it's about making a name for yourself and keeping it.
It's about becoming a better someone. And maybe even a complete someone else.

I think that amidst all this talk of change and survival it's important to strive to be able to let ourselves as individuals survive the impending change that we plan to put ourselves through.

If we cannot be comfortable with ourselves, we cannot be comforatble with others or make others feel comfortable with us.

If we cannot find happiness within our being, then will we be fit to show others happiness?

If we don't respect ourselves, how are able to respect others around us?

When it comes to relationships should we not be asking ourselves why we go into a relationship?

Is it love? Is it for convenience sake? Is it to fill the loneliness in our souls? Or is it to fill the prying eyes of our peers?

I am surrounded by desperation.

I empathise and respect the desperation I see in my patient's eyes, because it is through them that you will be able to see the strength of the desire to survive.

But I curse and look upon with disdain at the desperation of those who yearn for binding relationship with another just so that they can feel whole and desired.

It is disrespectful. It is revolting.

It is insulting to the strength that the human spirit can call upon in times of loneliness and futility. To run to another for assurance and affirmation when you can find these within yourself is distasteful.

Perhaps in a years time I will look back upon this and wonder why this was written.
But for now.... I rest my case.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

3:25 PM

Harukanaru Toki no Nakade Hachiyosho......
I love the japanese poems at the end of each episode.....

'' Like water running down the tall mountain, even in secret, we must continue our love.
Though my yearning may be the end of me''

'' The moon that crosses the sky tonight
cleans everything in its path,
so that even if the clouds endeavour to conceal it,
it's light will shine on''

''Even in the night people may be led astray by firelight,
And without a care for consequences,
fall into a love that flutters more wildly than the fireflies.''

''I wonder if she has forsaken me and left because of my appearance?
A woman's love is the only thing that never does what one expects"

"I prayed I wouldn't fall in love
As I cleansed my hands at the sacred fountain.
Alas, judging from my state now,
God must not be listening.''

''If exchanging my life meant that I could be with you,
Dying would be so easy''

''Even in this life, if it goes as ones heart desires.
why should parting be so sorrowful?''

'' My love is without direction and without end,
who knows where it may take me.
Only this can I say for sure,
All I wish for is to be with you.''

Friday, November 16, 2007

10:42 AM

Today I saw a person die.
It was unexpected.
It was chaotic.
It was uncannily exciting.

Ward round in the morning.
Just approaching the bed and the person goes into cardiac arrest.

This was nothing like ER at all.
This was real life.

This was about efficiency, coordination, calmness and execution.
No time for emotion.
No time for uncertainty.
it's do or die.
Literally.

And above all.
it's about knowing when to stop.
And realise that there's nothing more that you can do.

Monday, November 12, 2007

4:16 PM

If heaven could be seen from whence we cameth from....
I believe it to be best seen from the beach at Nairn.....

When there's nothing to be seen but the beauty of God's creation before you....
When there's nothing to hear but the whispers from the endless depths
When there's nothing to smell but the salty wind.....
When there's nothing to feel but the gentle caress of wind and rain....

That's when you're really aware of yourself ....
as a being unlike any other..................
just for that one special moment..............
you know who you are

You know what you want of life

.......of love....
......of your aspirations......
.......of what you are capable of............

And then just like that.....
.............the magic is gone........
...............................and you are once again....
.........one of them...............

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

3:05 PM

yoz everyone!
i'm terribly stressed now. But As always the horrible horrible and terribly self disgusting habit of procrastinating and getting distracted is getting to me.

I've got my mocks in 4 weeks time and I'm doin this.
I hate myself. I despise myself.....I give up....Do you not know how frustrating it is to combat with yourself?

it's an endless and fruitless battle when you know your enemy too well.
Talk about being too close for comfort.

Oh well....since i'm here I might as well just chat about for awhile.

just started my general surgery block and already feeling the brunt of it. Having to be in at 8am every single cold wintry morning for surgical INTERACTIVE tutorials is NOT fun at all....it's draining and it stinks if you have to be in for the rest of the day.

Currently on the nephrology ward. Man......could anything be more mundane!!!!
At least there were clinics to attend today.
Monday was an infuriating day when we spent 2h on a ward round and the freaking consultant didn't even speak or teach us anything.....what a shithead....
obviosuly someone has forgotten the oath he took to ''look upon his offspring in the same footing as my own brothers and to teach them this art if they shall wish to learn it without fee or stipulation.......I will impart knowledge of the Art to my own sons, and those of my teachers and to disciples bound by a stipulation and oath according to the law of medicine but to none others.''

The only thing this guy imparted was how to stare and ignore the presence of the disciples.
what a dick head.

And I have to go for another ward round tml..............Man! i'm hitching a ride with the other team!

righto, gtg now, goin to finish revising my nephrology bits and start on GI!

This stinks coz GI and nephro are the two topics that I'm ABSOLUTELY SHITE AT!

Cheers!

Here's some photos anyway just to beautify my blog! ( And to explain my absences )