bold italic underline link
righty oh! hisashi buri mina~!
Finally decided to settle down and do an update. haha...letting my laptop rest at this point in time. Just finished watching Samurai Deeper Kyo.... I love it! It's probably the best series I've watched so far!!!! Wonderful action sequences! I like!
Ok so wat have I been doing with my life so far?
Relief teaching. Yes...SEcondary two English and English literature at my Alma Mater.
Can't say that I'm really enjoying myself but well I suppose the price is right.
Seriously the students are shit man. Bad English, BAd manners, Bad attitude.
Rude disrespectful and insolent.
Oh boy....maybe the price aint that right after all.
well what do i have to say about the whole NKF saga?
I think every single one of them in the administration should just burn in hell.
getting patients to speak up for the old administration out of their terror that donations will stop coming in is cowardly and unethical.
and yes peanuts are truly costly these days.
haiyah...feel so sianz...
tata...good nights!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
"I think there are two aspects of sin.' ... ' In order to live in our society every day we suppress a variety of desires and instinctive urges. There is a sectorof the heart that stores up those drives.'' He pointed at his chest. '' It is the realm we call the unconscious ... These suppressed drives and instincts are not extinguished, but collect within the unconscious, waiting for the opportunity to spurt forth once again. When they spew out in some distorted shape, we often end up committing acts that I have chosen to label sin.''
'' Many times in our lives in society our pride is wounded, or we are unable to find suitable outlets to satisfy our desires or our sense of superiority.'' ... ' At those times we can't simply hurl our dissatisfactions into the face of whoever has offended us. And so a rift develops in what had been a perfectly harmoniously relationship. In this way, each day we compact our discontent and our resentment into the bottom of our hearts, but they don't just dissolve there. Suppressed passion never dissipates. In reality these emotions are stored up in our hearts where they smoulder like embers in a hibachi.''
''Yes that's my impression. Perhaps ''salvation'' is too strong a wrokd - the sins that men commit are a manifestation of their yearning for rebirth.'
''It is true that my characters squirm in suffocating circumstances and then commit their sins, but if you think about those sins ... in the lives of the characters, they turn out to be ... Their sins in the final analysis end up being ... an expresion of their craving for a new way of life.''
'' Maybe it can't be styled salvation, but the potential for salvation is contained within the sin.''
''The foetus lives inertly within the amniotic fluid, hearing only the sound of its mother's heartbeat. The amniotic fluid is a murky white colour, but it provides precisely the right environmental temperature for the embryo. It lives there spontaneusly, breathing branchially like a fish but then one day it is suddenly cast out of its garden paradise.'
'Cast out?'
'Yes, it is ejected from the womb into the outside world. We adults refer to this as birth, but for the foetus it is a forces eviction into an unknown, frightening world where it must learn to breathe in the air rathern than under water. This is the first experience we humans have with death and rebirth. And thus this first cry that issues from a new-born's mouth is not the shout of joy at being born that we have imagined it to be-it is, rather, a shriek of fear.''
'This is the first time I've heard such an idea.'
'I'm sure it is. In any case, the fear that a child experiences when it leaves the uterus is extreme, and it lingers in the depths of its heart. That fear is never extinguished. Even after he grows to maturity, it remains a part of his unconscious mind. It is linked to the fear of death and conversely. it is also transferred into a profound longing to revert to the foetal state, to live once again within the amniotic fluids. Masochism just might be a deformation of this urge to subsist within the uterine waters.''
'' ... the spirit of PERVERSENESS ... I am not more sure that my sould lives than I am that perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart, one of the indivisible primary faculties, or sentiments, which give direction to the character of Man. Who has not a hundred times found himself committing a vile or a stupid action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not? Have we not a perpetual inclination, in the teeth of our best judgement, to violate that which is Law, merely because we understand it to be such: This spirit of perverseness, I say, came to my final overthrow. It was this unfathomable longing of the soul to vex itself - to offer violence to its own nature, to do wrong for the wrong's sake only - that urged me on.'' - Edgar Allan Poe ' The Black Cat'
'' I read somewhere long ago that in our youth we live through our bodies; in our prime we live through our intellect; and in our old afe we live through our minds as they prepare for the journey to the next life. And they say that the older we get, the more sensitive our minds frow to the shadows of that looming world. Does this mean that the filthy landscape which stretches before my eyes is part of my preparation, my rite of passage, into the life to come? What's the lesson that this realm of filth is trying to teach me? I haven't the faintest idea. My only feeble hope is that the light will embrace even the murky realm.
Just before you died, I saw extraordinary weariness in the your back. Is it possible, even though you never confessed it to me, that you felt this same confusion, that you were thrust into this same pit of uncertainty and struggled there? At the wake I saw shadows of torment between your brows - what were they? ''
Excerpts from Scandal by Shusaku Endo. Tanslated by Van C. Gessel