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Today has been a tiring, exciting and truly eye-opening day for me.
Second day into my second week of general practice, first rotation for 4th year and i've seen my fair share of the destituition of the human race.
I was on house calls with Dr. G Davidson the whole day. Very nice young guy. Rather bonnie as well. Nice car too. Really very quick on his feet and very capable of getting things done pronto. Very open and willing to teach and answer any questions posed.
So in the morning we had a list of 6 housecalls. Just the regular stuff such as chest infections, viral gastroenteritis, infected eczemas, the usual stuff. Then midway through one of the chesty coughs we get a call for an urgent housevisit for a man threatening suicide.
And the day started to get that much more interesting.
You know how it's like on drama serials with pple screaming that they're goin to jump off buildings or slit their wrists or OD and you think they're just being hysterical? Well, today for the first time I realised how true those portrayals are.
The guy was chroniclaly depressed and throughout the entire time we were there he came on telling Dr. D that the best thing to do with him was to just let him die, and then he started to get really agitated and whilst we were discussing wat best to do with him he started screaming in his room that he wanted us to pass him a razor so that he could slit his wrist.
And yes, I'm not proud to admit this but when I heard him screaming for a razor and attempting to get out of his bed to find a razor I actually instinctively moved closer to Dr. D.
But hey the guy was dead drunk and he was busy howling and screaming like a psychopath and had basically been cursing his previous doctor just seconds ago.
But it's truly hats off to Dr. D. I applaud you man. Really loved that no nonsense way you handled both the guy and the situation and fantastic management plan in the end.
yup, so driving around the entire aberdeen today. Got my fair view of the different property available around town and the appalling council and sheltered housing around town.
I suppose what i truly appreciate about house visit is that you get to see a glimpse of the patient's life when they're not dressed in their sunday best, and all cheery and made up in your surgery. But when you get to see them in their nighties or t-shirts in their dilapidated homes and the deprivation they have to live with each day, it just gives that added depth of reality that you will never get by just seeing them in the surgery.
You also see the desperation that exists in them. And somehow it's a double edged sword effect on you. On one hand, their plight makes you sympathetic but on the other hand it makes you just that bit more weary and cynical because you see so many pple with similar stories that you just can't spread your sympathy that thinly. And when that happens you start to resent.
You start ot resent society for being so harsh and for not being able to provide and support these pple.
You start to resent your patients for being right buggers forever searching for attention and sympathy.
You start to resent yourself for feeling that way and for becoming such a cold and cynical being that you once swore you would never be.
I asked Dr. D as we were driving back to the surgery for our lunch break.
" People often say that you become more cynical as you progress in your career. Is that true?''
He was honestly taken aback by my question. But he took it like a pro.
At first he gave a technical and illustrated example. And that was a fair enough answer to me.
However, after lunch as we were heading out again he suddenly said this to me.
'' You know, as you see more patients and experience more, you get that more realistic, firmer in your actions and harder in your feelings. So yes, in response to your question, you do get more cynical as you progress in your career."
I'm truly beginning to appreciate this GP rotation. I now realise how wrong i've been about the importance of general practitioners. They are truly unsung heroes. My respect goes out to all GPs, especially those at LMP. Thank you so much for taking me under your wing.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The greatest distance divides us
Not because you are oblivious to my love when I stand in front of you.
But because we love each other
Knowing fate witll forever keep us apart.