{Underneath the Stars.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

2:21 AM

aah! Stress bugs are acting up again!
Yesterday zen zen never do any work at all!
It was POT anime marathon and manga reading!
oh well....I suppose that could be considered as a recuperative day!
Ah....think positive! Think positive! Calm down calm down!
Will be studying at full potential today with no more distractions!!!

Yes! GUMBADE to ME!!!!

Right...anyway, yesterday was a recuperative day not only from studying but also from
an alcoholic adventure the night before....
And for that I have to blame and curse the greenland fat tub that lives below me....
Yes carrie that is you!

Right....so after a terrible long week with the 2 days without water to drink and bathe
(read below for a more interesting account)
and having to deal with little shits that sulk and whine the whole day
me and dana decided to go down for some pool and a drink.
Unwisely, we invited carrie along and unwisely we decided to go for a drink before pool
So well... since it had been a terrible week i started off with my '
usual' triple vodka and lemonade
after i was through with that i decided to try something else..
so i started asking around the table, by this time, thomas (dana'a currently dating him)
had materialized out of no where.
So they suggested a 'double jack daniel's (whiskey) and coke'
and i went off and downed it as well.

and then i sent thomas off to get something interesting
and he came back with this weird mix
which was sweet and to me didn't even taste like alcohol (but then again as they say...i'm HARDCORE)
it was some cider mixed with vodka and something else i think.

and then it was carrie's turn to get the next round of drinks.
and off he went and came back with 2 glasses
double tequila straight in one and lemonade in the other
i was rather pissed with him for doing that...what irresponsible behaviour
so in a maddened rage i downed the tequila straight and sipped nonchalantly at my lemonade.

and after all that....I was still able to walk straight and without assistance back to the flat
and have a shower and blow dry my hair....
but then i collapsed in bed and was in deep slumber till 9am the next morning.

not bad ne!
looks like salmon oil and vit C does do wonders for your liver.

haha....a little anecdote:

whilst we were buying the first round, me and dana, i was watching the barman as he
made my triple vodka lemonade.
And guess what he only added two shots...and I saw it!
I told dana and when he handed her the drink she told me to taste it
and instantly i could tell that it was only a double, not only because i caught him in the act
but because it was WEAK.
and she handed the drink back to that arse and he added the rightfully missing shot.

Man....he was about to scheme us! Getting us to pay for a triple whilst he did a double! that arse!

haha....pt of the story: Always watch the bar man! If you can't see straight get someone who still can to do it. (most unlikely actually but still)
and I have excellent sense of taste for alcohol...haha!

Friday, April 22, 2005

11:38 AM

You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't like being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by

Dead

You are dead inside and don't experience sadness
that often

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by

Fashions ugliness

Your wise quote is: "Fashion is a form of
ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter
it every six months" by Oscar Wilde.
You are a very sarcastic person with a sharp
tongue. You may not be the one always talking,
but your mind is nevertheless critizing. You
tend to have a cynical view on life itself and
be somewhat withdrawn with who you really are.
Society now is in your eyes corrupted and you
wonder how the world will survive. And people
are in your mind very ignorant and blind to the
reality.

What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED
brought to you by

Thursday, April 21, 2005

11:23 AM

ok....
ET -Sama is in a FUCKING PISSED MOOD RIGHT NOW!

Let me see...
riddle me this riddle me that...
what's making me so pissed?

Is it the fact that I have gone without running water to drink or bathe with in the
last 36 hours?!
and the fact that yesterday the water that was coming out of the flush in the cistern
was VISIBLY cleaner than the stuff that was coming out of the tap?!
Well...but then again...a seemingly translucent fluid is definitely about 10 times cleaner than brown muck with dancing SHINY particulate matter right?
OR might it be the fact that without any water to bathe with, I had to
gaily whisk myself off to the Singaporean flat to have a shower, and nearly got
boiled by this insanely hot water?!
Oh....maybe it was just a commutative effect of not being able to wash my face or cook a proper meal throughout the entire day because the water was not up to scratch and to make matters worst it was a FUCKING HOT DAY?! (comparatively speaking)
OOOH....wait! I just thought of a HIGHLY POSSIBLE REASON!!!!
The toilets couldn't be flushed in the evening and throughout the night!
HOORAY! JUMP FOR JOY!
Oh well.....maybe the best reason is that we'll all die from cholera! how fantastic! We'll be famous!
The most recent outbreak of cholera in recent times!
ah....a possibly contended notion would be the fact that till now there hasn't been an explanation for the shortage of water!

Ah....but let's be fair and put the water issue aside....let me tell you a story of a
LITTLE LITTLE PERSON....who has got such a TINY TINY HEART....i'm quite surprised she's still alive!

Well...the whole long and short on why this could be making me pissed is that...
buggers who dun go shopping for food when they arrive back in town should relinquish their right to complain of not having space in the freezer...
and they should also be persecuted for daring to insinuate that all the space in the fridge has been taken up by someone who just went grocery shopping, when the freezer in the first instance was already stuffed with crap from OTHERS! that has not been cleared.

aH...but upon observing this possible notion....one would suspect this to be the result of
CUMULATIVE STRESS again!
please tell me logical and thinking peers...
Would you not be pissed if you had to listen to a person who is already 19 years of age
whining and going on about little petty stuff, just because it doesn't go to her liking?
oh and what about listening to her complain and bad mouth pple behind their back just because they don't behave in a manner according to her liking?
and the worst part is that you never know if you're next on her target list.
and frankly speaking it's also very tiring speaking to an individual who acts like a retarded 10 year old kid!

Haiyah! BAKA BAKA BAKA!
why why WHY ?! must atashiwa-sama be surrounded by IDIOTS IDIOTS IDIOTS!!!

so riddle me this, riddle me that....
is ET-sama not supposed to feel pissed?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

5:40 AM

first day back in school...sianz man!
Yesterday was a bad shock of reality as I was organizing the stacks of notes and textbooks
that I have to revise and cover in the span of about 5 weeks!
SCARY i tell!

Feeling utterly stressed now!
Damn it! Esther you fool! WHY WHY!

Oh well....can't do anything about it now but to chill out
and GUMBATTE!

Oh yeah....
We had our groupings for the SSM project (Student Selected Module)
Yeah so my group is doing Depression and Schizophrenia!

YAY!

It's a nice group with good workers and there's of course the slackers but
in general the vibe is good. Having first meeting tml!
Wow! impressive ne!

hope to get it done soon....
it's basically a 5000 word report done between the 8 of us, a 15 min powerpoint presentation and question and answer session and an individual summary of the report!

Anyone who has suggestions on how we should direct our area of study on this project please email me! Thanks!

Sunday, April 17, 2005

4:11 AM

Hi everyone!
Just changed the layout and template of my blog

I know it's kinda complicated and
difficult to navigate and all

BUT....
I really like it.
And I absolutely adore this song!

It's Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday.

Have fun fiddling around with it!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

1:37 AM

You Are An Elm Tree

You are easygoing and a pleasure to be around.
Good looking, you have a pleasant shape and tasteful clothes.
You demand little in others, but you tend not to forgive their mistakes.
Dominant, you like to lead and enjoy making decisions for others.
Overall, you are cheerful, honest, noble, generous, and funny.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

Your Rising Sign is Taurus

You are the ultimate rock - stable and centered.
People turn to you in crisis and count on you for calm.

Stubborn and strong minded, you can't be pushed around.
You are also tenacious, and you always will stick with something difficult.

A bit fan of nature, you're attracted to the beauty of the outdoors.
And sometimes, you find it easier to relate to animals than people.

What is Your Rising Sign?

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

12:58 AM

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

No use trying to fight it, you're an eight-sided die, a d8. A fine example of simple elegance, the d8 is one of the least appreciated types of dice, and is often neglected. You are known to be quiet and shy, outward traits that conceal viscous sarcasm and mean wit. You are very smart, yet wise enough to hide your intelligence the quicker they found out how smart you are, the sooner they'll put you to work, which is something you can do without. People call you dark and pessimistic, or moody and cynical. You find little point in arguing.

Friday, April 15, 2005

10:23 AM

Paed's Theatre ...
Man....I think I saw more blood in the 2 hours i was in theatre than in the previous few experience of ENT surgery.
Sigh....WHY WHY?!
WHY didn't someone come in for a Radical Neck Dissection of sorts?!
WHY?!

Oh well....
so anyway the blood flow came mainly from tonsillectomies and adenoidectomies
Oh and there were gromets and 'glue' ears
hmm...interesting...peering down a microscope at gunk coming from
some little shit's ears...okay so it was really interesting.

and for teaching today Mr Ah-see went through a whole array of stuff on
ear infections and anitibiotics and event went through a paper with us.
that was interesting.
oh and there was a bit on sleep apnea....man...that guy makes the most convincing snores and snorts.
all in all it was an educational and intersting day....and I don't regret having to go out at 12 noon
on a blustery cold and wind howlng day to attend theatre.
ooh and met this 4th year student who already has a Phd in genetics...
Man....These ang mohs certainly have got very commendable enthusiasm for staying in the
educational system for what seems to be DECADES....haha
quite contrary to the common belief of ang mohs being lazy little shits
but then again hell they have it CHEAP!
Their tuition fees are like less than a fraction of what I'm paying
and even if they take out a loan there are tons of ways in which they can get out of paying it back!

AARGH!!!!

but anyway, all in all it's been an excellent experience and I've learnt a lot
from it
And I'm very glad that all the people, doctors, medical students and other staff alike have been so nice and generous in imparting their knowledge and being so friendly.
haha....interesting note.....
Apparently it's very rare for a medical student to see their regent like more than the recommend twice a year meetings....haha seems like i've seen him enough for the
rest of the 4 years.
But he's a very nice regent so that's good. There are regents out there who can't even remember how their regentees look like and some even tell them specifically not to see them unless they are on the brink of comitting suicide or are dying. haha!

Interesting addition to ET- Sama's Annals of Weird and Hilarious Medical Situations!

An old geezer has just been admitted to the ENT ward and why?
He sneezed a couple of days ago and then realised that ever since that incident
whenever he drinks fluids they flow out of his right nostril.
intersting.....
he has got a palatonasal fistula. (i.e a hole between his palate and nose)

hmm....
better watch it when you sneeze ne...?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

10:31 AM

RIght today was technically the last day of my attachment to the ENT department at the ARI
SO it was OT day!
YAY! Scrubs again!
( oh and before OT there was a tutorial session given by a registrar on nystagmus...ok but nothing too fantastically interesting)

Now you must wonder why I appear to be so infatuated with scrubs.
Particularly the scrubs at the ARI.
That's because there's no discrimination in the scrubs.
Yes folks there is such a thing as SCRUBISM...
that occurs when you have to wear a certain prescibed sorta scrub because of your gender and
position.
Here in the ARI EVERYONE wears the same type of scrub.
At for the first time in OT I am proud to declare that I have not frozen my legs off
because we get to were a top and pants!
All Green...
And since you can never tell whether it's inside out
you can always get away for wearing it the wrong way out! ( confusing ne...)

Yeah...so today was rather interesting.
Managed to see some ''traditional'' so to speak surgery
Excision of Thyroglossal Cyst.
Had to remove the whole embyological tract of the cysts.
Ok so it wasn't like massive gore and blood spilling everywhere, but it sure beats the hell outta
SCOPES...
yeah...and there was microsurgery and injection to a paralysed left vocal cord.
Interesting stuff....like a brest implant where they inject silicon like material into
the vocal cord that has palsy (paralysis)
AND of course there were the beloved scopes and laser microsurgery.

In today's teaching, learnt quite a bit too
All about nerves in the head and neck, nose, ear, larynx,
and believe it or not....PHYSICS!
Yes minasen~ PHYSICS....for those of you who did Physics of Fluid for the option paper
for A levels...I wonder if you still remember something called the
BERNOULLI EFFECT ( I can't even remember if that's how it's spelt )
Well....forget about all that crap about the wind flowing at a faster rate at the top of
an aeroplane wing as opposed to the bottom bit....
hey man! That freaking effect is the whole reason why we can talk!
YEah....apparently it's the suction force that's created as the air passes from the lungs through the larynx, which causes mucosa of the the vocal cords to stick together (is that called apposition?)
And this sets it into vibration and thus sets about the origin of speech.
and it is this precise thing that sets the vocal cords vibrating at 150 Hz...

righto...so that was OT.
Very interesting...TOmorrow I've been invited to go attend Paed's Head and Neck Theatre in the afternoon...
gonna watch gromets and tonsils and stuff like that...
will be interesting.

Oh and another thing...
Mr AH See is VERY VERY good at making all sorts of sounds
and is very capable of burp speech (transoesophageal speech-that's how pple in the past who had laryngectomy (removal of the larynx) were taught to speak. Apparently they gulp down tons of air into their stomach and force it out through the paraynx and thus they can speak...but only for as long as there's air in their stomachs...interesting ne)
and gasping for air in total mimicry of a person who has respiratory strider or biphasic strider.
and a whole array of funny voices typical of his patients.

hmm...talk about fully understanding your patients

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

7:18 AM

Well back to hospital again after a two day seance.
haha...played truant technically on monday and tuesday
but seriously there was nothing for me to do anyway.
There weren't any clinics or OT to attend and get taught something so I just
scurried home to revise work.
An activity that badly needs to be done but has been neglected for the entire 3 weeks of holidays
I'm going to regret not having mugged...I know it!
AARGH!
Stress!

Anyway, today was a highly interesting day
Attending Mr Ah-See's Head and Neck Clinic
Very interesting variety of lumps and growths and lots of nostrils happily accepting
endoscopes... gross but well that's what you get with ENT I suppose.

Let's see what came thru the doc's door today:
A man who had an oesophagectomy ( removal of oesophagus ) and was complaining of
weakness in voice, turned out his left vocal cord was paralyzed.
A couple of laryngectomy (removal of laynx ) patients.
A Wherton's tumour (used to be called adenomas I think )
A naso pharyngeal cancer patient facing possible lung cancer if he doesnt quit the fags.
A curious case of a lump. Sent for Fine Needle Aspiration biopsy. doc's gut feeling says it's more of a subcutaneous cyst rather than a tumour of the tail of the parotid gland.
I had a feel of the area and the swelling of that area was rather extensive.
And a whole lot of other post op cases.

Really interesting and got to learn lotsa new things and had revision of anatomy.
Excellent.

Tomorrow I think I'll go in for OT, though there're mainly scopes but there are a couple of new procedures, and some excisions....hope to see more blood and gore though....
Haha....

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

11:38 AM

Auguries of Innocence

William Blake (1757–1827)

TO see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage

Puts all heaven in a rage.

A dove-house fill’d with doves and pigeons

Shudders hell thro’ all its regions.

A dog starv’d at his master’s gate

Predicts the ruin of the state.

A horse misused upon the road

Calls to heaven for human blood.

Each outcry of the hunted hare

A fibre from the brain does tear.

A skylark wounded in the wing,

A cherubim does cease to sing.

The game-cock clipt and arm’d for fight

Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf’s and lion’s howl

Raises from hell a human soul.

The wild deer, wand’ring here and there,

Keeps the human soul from care.

The lamb misus’d breeds public strife,

And yet forgives the butcher’s knife.

The bat that flits at close of eve

Has left the brain that won’t believe.

The owl that calls upon the night

Speaks the unbeliever’s fright.

He who shall hurt the little wren

Shall never be belov’d by men.

He who the ox to wrath has mov’d

Shall never be by woman lov’d.

The wanton boy that kills the fly

Shall feel the spider’s enmity.

He who torments the chafer’s sprite

Weaves a bower in endless night.

The caterpillar on the leaf

Repeats to thee thy mother’s grief.

Kill not the moth nor butterfly,

For the last judgment draweth nigh.

He who shall train the horse to war

Shall never pass the polar bar.

The beggar’s dog and widow’s cat,

Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.

The gnat that sings his summer’s song

Poison gets from slander’s tongue.

The poison of the snake and newt

Is the sweat of envy’s foot.

The poison of the honey bee

Is the artist’s jealousy.

The prince’s robes and beggar’s rags

Are toadstools on the miser’s bags.

A truth that’s told with bad intent

Beats all the lies you can invent.

It is right it should be so;

Man was made for joy and woe;

And when this we rightly know,

Thro’ the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,

A clothing for the soul divine.

Under every grief and pine

Runs a joy with silken twine.

The babe is more than swaddling bands;

Throughout all these human lands

Tools were made, and born were hands,

Every farmer understands.

Every tear from every eye

Becomes a babe in eternity;

This is caught by females bright,

And return’d to its own delight.

The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,

Are waves that beat on heaven’s shore.

The babe that weeps the rod beneath

Writes revenge in realms of death.

The beggar’s rags, fluttering in air,

Does to rags the heavens tear.

The soldier, arm’d with sword and gun,

Palsied strikes the summer’s sun.

The poor man’s farthing is worth more

Than all the gold on Afric’s shore.

One mite wrung from the lab’rer’s hands

Shall buy and sell the miser’s lands;

Or, if protected from on high,

Does that whole nation sell and buy.

He who mocks the infant’s faith

Shall be mock’d in age and death.

He who shall teach the child to doubt

The rotting grave shall ne’er get out.

He who respects the infant’s faith

Triumphs over hell and death.

The child’s toys and the old man’s reasons

Are the fruits of the two seasons.

The questioner, who sits so sly,

Shall never know how to reply.

He who replies to words of doubt

Doth put the light of knowledge out.

The strongest poison ever known

Came from Caesar’s laurel crown.

Nought can deform the human race

Like to the armour’s iron brace.

When gold and gems adorn the plow,

To peaceful arts shall envy bow.

A riddle, or the cricket’s cry,

Is to doubt a fit reply.

The emmet’s inch and eagle’s mile

Make lame philosophy to smile.

He who doubts from what he sees

Will ne’er believe, do what you please.

If the sun and moon should doubt,

They’d immediately go out.

To be in a passion you good may do,

But no good if a passion is in you.

The whore and gambler, by the state

Licensed, build that nation’s fate.

The harlot’s cry from street to street

Shall weave old England’s winding-sheet.

The winner’s shout, the loser’s curse,

Dance before dead England’s hearse.

Every night and every morn

Some to misery are born,

Every morn and every night

Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,

Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie

When we see not thro’ the eye,

Which was born in a night to perish in a night,

When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,

To those poor souls who dwell in night;

But does a human form display

To those who dwell in realms of day

Monday, April 11, 2005

12:01 PM

well...today was another quiet day at home.
did go to the hospital at 8am as usual
only to discover that mr ah-see was holding clinic in bedford and there was basically
nothing else for me to do the entire day
so I headed back.

well...today was one of those days when my level of morality was tested.
On the way up broad street onto the bus stop where I was to catch the no.12 to the hospital
I passed a sick sea gull that could not walk.
It was lying pitifully on the sidewalk without any idea what was going to happen to it.
I steeled my heart and walked by it.
At the traffic lights at the junction where I was to catch my bus I passed a blind man
waiting to cross the street.
I walked by him.

By the time I got on the bus I was feeling really wretched at myself.
And I truly felt glad when I saw someone going up to help the blind man
as the bus drove past him.
There are people in this world who are not as wretched as me. I'm not surprised.

When I was returning from the hospital, I passed the injured bird again.
This time I knew that I could not afford to stain my soul once again by leaving it there.
I got the bus back and brought a box and gloves to bring it back to the halls
where I thought I could look after it.
Back at halls, the porters saw the bird and I told them that I had brought it from Broad Street in town.
One of them remarked that ' You should have just left it there'
I could think of nothing to reply.
Thankfully, the one of the managers of the halls was kind enough
and he helped phone the RSPCA and the Society for prevention of cruelty to birds.
They came soon after to take the poor gull.

''you should have just left it there.'
I just couldn't bring myself to say anything in response to that.
Perhaps it was because I did not think that organism worthy enough to have me explain my intentions. His heart was too cold and hard to have understood anyway.

Perhaps if I hadn't done that,
I wouldn't be able to face myself and all the wretchedness that exists in me.

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Suicide

100%

Disappear

73%

Natural Causes

60%

Bomb

53%

Posion

33%

Stabbed

33%

Cut Throat

27%

Gunshot

20%

Suffocated

20%

Drowning

20%

Eaten

13%

Disease

13%

Accident

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

Saturday, April 09, 2005

1:24 PM

Your dating personality profile:

Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Stylish
2. Liberal
3. Big-Hearted
4. Adventurous
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Intellectual
7. Practical
8. Outgoing
9. Sensual
10. Funny

Your date match profile:

You match with men who have following traits:

Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.

Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Match Traits, Ranked
1. Practical

2. Intellectual

3. Shy

4. Conservative

5. Big-Hearted

6. Stylish

7. Traditional

8. Adventurous

9. Religious

10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Friday, April 08, 2005

6:57 AM

Oh BTW...it's the 8th of April.
It's officially spring.
The sun is out.

and there's blizzards of snow and hail out there right now.

5:54 AM

YAY! the weekend is finally here!
Today I was in the hospital for only a couple of hours, but boy I think I received the most
amount of teaching today.

Was in a 8am as usual.
Went for ward rounds, and listened to Mr Ah-See go on
about a medchi talk he attended on sleep apnea
( sleep apnea occurs when as you sleep your tongue falls back on your larynx and closes of that
passage for air and is the cause of snoring. If it continues to lie on the larynx for a very long time,
person may become hypoxic (i.e lack of oxygen) )
Quite interesting the stuff he was saying about recent developments in research into
sleep apnea and they were discussing the effects of shift work vs the traditional work routine.
apparently some govtal bodies are pushing for shift work
but apparently studies have shown that people who do shift work (eg. doctors) tend to feel tired more easily.

Haha....and apparently it has been proposed that in order to trick and bypass the body's diurnal clock into believing it's day even though you're on night call is to have night call doctors wear caps with lights hanging off the front to trick the eyes into believing it's day, and relay the info to the brain. haha....wat an interesting sight that would be.

After morning coffee....(yes somehow it doesn't matter which part of the world u are in but
a morning cup of coffee is always integrated into almost every doctor's routine)
I decided to join 2 fourth years in their informal ENT 'exam'.
which was basically a sort of tutorial revision sorta thing with a senior house officer.
Dr Allan (something...forgot) the SHO is this sugoi funny fellow.
As quick and cynically humourous that guy is.
But he really is a good tutor.
So basically this assesment was to bring the 4th years through a series of questions, where they had to identify conditions based on some scope pictures that were taken.
and it was really interesting and educational and important learning I should think
because he took time to go through the anatomy, the condition, manifestations, treatment and how to discern wat was which.
All GOOD! such a nice SHO. BTW that equates to MO (medical officer) in singapore.

After the assessment, I decided to head back since there was nothing else interesting occuring.
Yes! nice and wonderful as this ward is...ENT is seriously...rather boring.
hah...even the SHO and JHO says so.....according to the JHO,
ENT rotation is the easiest job in the whole wide world. frankly speaking I can see why.
But as me and one of the 4th years say, they are a fantastically nice ward.
They don't make you as a medical student feel uncomfortable or in the way, and they take time ot teach you and make you feel comfortable.
And even though you are probably a stupid and clueless medical student they don't treat you like one. That's says alot about their niceness.

Ward 45 Ichiban!

Oh....interesting talk during coffee break this morning after rounds.

Dr. Allan to everyone at the table after having returned from answering a bleep (page).
'' Finish this sentence. 'Hi this is Dr. Stephen a GP from Bedford. I've got a patient that I would like you to see at your ward. He's a nine year old boy who has been.....?''

Dr. A goes on to say in between sips of milk laden coffee...." think of the most random thing that good possibly happen to a boy in bedford."

So we say '' knocked down by a truck?!''

He looks at us and goes with a deadpan face " Headbutted in the face by a ram"

P/S : apparently the boy has got a badly broken nose now.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

10:57 AM

hisashi burini.....
Finally back in SCRUBS again! After a long long seance....
Ah...the feeling of walking about in OT dressed in green, with her in a cap, and clogs...
sweet reminescence...

TOday was OT day!
Joined Mr Ah-See in theatre this morning.
Wasn't any particularly exciting or interesting procedures.
Mainly a whole lot of scopes (laryngoscopy, bronchoscopy, oesopageoscopy, pharyngoscopy...)
an emergency fish bone stuck in oesophagus,
and some laser microsurgery.
Oh and there was this incision biopsy of a MASSIVE LYMPHOMA (cancer of the pymph nodes)
Trust me we were feeling it and that thing was the size of my hand.
it was HUGE.

But it was a good full day's worth of OT and I enjoyed it
though at one point it was getting seriously seriously boring.
But it was a good educational experience
Mr ah-see took time to go over the procedures after they were completed
and was telling us some other additional information about the procedures and techniques.

Man....revelry time!
Today I met the most ULTRA NICE AND TRULY FUNNY ANAESTHETIST!
Dr. Brian Stickle, consutant anaesthetist.
My goodness, from my past experiences, anaesthetist were pple with attitude problems
and were fierce and easily irritable.... they were probably the reason why the patients wanted to be knocked out as soon as possible.

But this guy was different. Man he was so informal and loud and funny.
If I were on the table I would have wanted to be awake for longer.
And his techniques are SUGOI man! really very talented drug man.
He knows all the little tricks of the trade that were help you past any snags
and he was so damn easygoing man!
And he took time to explain everything that he was doing to us. that was really good.
Haha...he even let me participate in the prep as a human tourniquet.
That was fun. first hands on I ever had in OT.

it was a great day and i learnt much.
haha..today can be considered as revision for head and neck anatomy particularly
the respiratory layers and the nose.
and also revision for intro to anaesthetics.
oh and got to know a little bit more on morphine (an opiate) and lasers....

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

10:10 AM

I am alive.
I finally feel alive after a tortuous and mind numbing spell...
Today I have been reminded once again why I decided to do medicine

Today I was up at 5.45am because I had to be in at the hospital at 8am. First day of attachment to Regent's unit : ENT surgery
when the alarm went off, it was almost muffled by the howling wind outside my window.
I just managed to drag myself out of bed and set about getting ready and changing.
I almost felt that I should just call in sick and stay in bed.
But I made it out of the flat and caught the 6.45am bus into town and then onto the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary ( apparently one of the top teaching facilities in the UK and Europe according to Dr. Lawrie the JHO. I think it truly deserves that title).

Ward rounds start at 8 and I was there at 7.45. sitting outside the ward wondering
what the hell am I doing here???!!!
I could barely keep my eyes open...then my Regent came.
No way out...just had to follow him.
Introductions after introduction
'1st year medical student. Observing this easter holiday. she's my regentee.'
Gasps ....1st year and easter holidays somehow dun equate.

(Regent @ guardian appointed by school, either part of the academic teaching staff or part of the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary or both. )

Background recap on Regent : Mr Kim Ah-See, Consultant ENT surgeon with special interest in Head and Neck Oncology.
He is not asian as his name suggest. His dad's mauritian chinesea and his mom's scottish. Born and Bred in aberdeen.

Met the nicest JHO (junior house officer) I've ever met. Dr. Alastair Lawrie.
Frank, Jovial, Handsome, Married (sorry girls....:P)
he was kind enough to explain how stuff was carried out, how to clerk, allowed me to sit in whilst he was admitting someone (he actually referred to me as his junior colleague....what a dubious title if you ask me...how much more junior can u be than a JHO?? apart from med student lah)
he bought me lunch and then showed me how to get to the children's hospital where I was to sit in for paed ENT clinic that afternoon.

And I also met Peter Wands, 5th year medical student.
quiet, gentle fellow who's also sugoi nice.
told me what to expect in my upcoming years, and shared insight about life in the wards
which were the nice wards and stuff like that.
discussed stuff about the school too. He might want to be a GP and he's landed a job in edinburgh. Lucky chap.

I am so impressed and touched by their display of generosity.
In all my clinical attachments, this has been the first time when I've not been treated
like a potential rival or an obstruction to someone's climb up the ladder of hierachy.
They really taught me alot not only on technicalities and procedures
but also on what it really is like to work as a team in the medical field.
and they were so earnest in teaching a clueless fool like me.
Impressive.

After lunch, I attended Mr Ah-See's paed ( paediatrics) clinic.
That was super interesting.. ... and educational.
He was telling me one of the reasons that attracted him to ENT was the fact that
he could deal with the horrible, tragic stuff like head and neck oncology which he specialises in
in the morning, and in the afternoon when he has paed clinic he gets to play with children.

Clinic was really interesting, I have to say again.
Although most of the cases today were
basically ear infections and gromit displacements, and holes in ear drums,
tonsilitis, and mucky ear discharges and wax, i found it really interesting
And that was because he took time to explain and discuss each of the cases that were
presented and he even gave me a demonstration on how gromits were placed in
the eardrums. he even opened a sterile pack of gromits for his demonstration.
However, I must admit that the case of the girl with recurrent epistaxis (nosebleed) was the
most fascinating...haha.
he had to cauterize (burn) this tiny artery in her right nostril in order to alleviate the bleeding,
and he did the cauterizing with a silver nitrate cauterizing stick ( which looks like a huge matchstick)
I was wondering how do you cauterize something just by sticking a 'matchstick' up their nose
and afterwards he was explaining to me how, once silver nitrate gets in contact
with moisture such as mucous layer in the nose, it's melts and generates a termal reaction
that burns the artery or whatever needs to be burnt.

Today was a day of revelation.
A day when I realised that there are truly people in the medical world, who know what they are doing, and are doing it for the right reasons.
And it is truly a blessing that such people are generous and willing to inculcate in the next generation this same spirit and to pass their knowledge freely and without any strings attached.

Today was the day where I got to see that below that calm, professional and somewhat
intimidating exterior of my Regent, he really is a funny, and nice man.
This revelation was confirmed by the ease and warmth at which the children took to him, and how sensitive he was to their needs and pain.

it's unfortunate, but I suppose expected, to say
that I experienced such revelations here in Aberdeen and not in Singapore.

Monday, April 04, 2005

4:10 AM

Love in Autumn

I sought among the drifting leaves,
The golden leaves that once were green,
To see if Love were hiding there
And peeping out between.

For thro' the silver showers of
MayAnd thro' the summer's heavy heat,
In vain I sought his golden head
And light, fast-flying feet.

Perhaps when all the world is bare
And cruel winter holds the land,
The Love that finds no place to hide
Will run and catch my hand.

I shall not care to have him then,
I shall be bitter and a-cold --
It grows too late for frolicking
When all the world is old.

Then little hiding Love,
come forth,Come forth before the autumn goes,
And let us seek thro' ruined paths
The garden's last red rose.

~ Poem by Sarah Teasdale ~

Love, what is love...
Why do we crave love...
Is it necessary....

Everyone around me is talking about love
some yearn for it
some hate it
some miss it

Me?
What is love?

Sunday, April 03, 2005

1:09 PM

saido....
issui moshinakatta.....

I love the night.
I love the peace and calmness it brings.

I love the enveloping darkness that surrounds and swallows everything.
I love the darkened reality it brings to life

The darkness that I used to fear,
Now I seek and crave.

My mind seems to love this all consuming and numbing darkness
It comes alive and paints vivid pictures in muted, dark tones
It heightens worry, fatigue and reality
and ensures that I partake in this lurid display.

It must know and understand my love of the night
because it ensures that sleep does not cast her wicked spell
that steals me from appreciating the night....

shimo yoru.... kirei ne....

12:22 PM

THE LIGHT OF STARS

The night is come, but not too soon;
And sinking silently,
All silently, the little moon
Drops down behind the sky.

There is no light in earth or heaven
But the cold light of stars;
And the first watch of night is given
To the red planet Mars.

Is it the tender star of love?
The star of love and dreams?
O no! from that blue tent above,
A hero's armor gleams.

And earnest thoughts within me rise,
When I behold afar,
Suspended in the evening skies,
The shield of that red star.

O star of strength! I see thee stand
And smile upon my pain;
Thou beckonest with thy mailed hand,
And I am strong again.

Within my breast there is no light
But the cold light of stars;
I give the first watch of the night
To the red planet Mars.

The star of the unconquered will,
He rises in my breast,
Serene, and resolute, and still,
And calm, and self-possessed.

And thou, too, whosoe'er thou art,
That readest this brief psalm,
As one by one thy hopes depart,
Be resolute and calm.

O fear not in a world like this,
And thou shalt know erelong,
Know how sublime a thing it is
To suffer and be strong.

From Voices of the Night by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Friday, April 01, 2005

8:40 AM

' But I'm trying as hard as I can dammit.
I'm trying as hard as

Other people. Other people interest me. How they manage.
There are several possibilities.

1. They are just as confused as me but they aren't letting on.

2. They don't know they don't know what the point is.

3. They don't understand they don't know what the point is.

4. They don't mind they don't know what the point is.

5. They don't even know there are any questions.

The first is too paranoid. Paranoia is a joke. I will not be a joke.
Rejected on the ground of unpalatability.
The second unlikely: it rests on the unpleasant assumption that other people can't work out what I can work out.
Since modesty is a becoming trait in a woman, I reject the second.
The third is interesting and enviable but gets things no further forward.
One can hardly unknow something, i.e I am in no position to alter the facts.
The fifth makes me lonely and is rejected on the same modesty clause as postulation 2 (see above).
This leaves me with the fourth.

The difference is minding. I mind the resultant moral dilemma of having no answers.
I never forget the fucking questions. They're always there, accusing me of having no answers yet.
If there are no answers there is no point: a terror of absurdity.
Logic will force me to do things where desire hasn't a chance. Which leads us to

There is no point, ergo ...'

'Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One. But the lightbulb must really want to change.'

' I will Take Advice and Try Harder.

Persistence is the Only Thing that Works.

The More Something Hurts, the More it can Teach Me.

.....

' It's OK to have Bad Days.

You Can't Make Other People Love You Into Existence.

Everything Worth Having is Hard as Nails. '

' I can't remember the last week with any clarity.

I want to be able to remember it because it was the last time

anything was in any way unremarkable.

Eating and drinking routinely, sleeping when I wanted to.

It would be nice to remember but I don't.

Now I remember everything all the time.

You never know what you might need to recollect later,

when the significance of the moment might appear.

They never give you any warning.

They never give you any warning.'

'The Trick is to Keep Breathing' by Janice Galloway